with this ring, I thee wed

Hi all!! Sorry I have been MIA lately… with all these vacations and projects I am falling behind in life! Paul was in a wedding in Baton Rouge this weekend so we went and explored Texas, Baton Rouge, and New Orleans. I will put some pictures up and tell you about our awesome Southern Adventure later today.

One thing that stuck out to me this weekend was the vows at the wedding. I was sitting there, looking at the stunning bride, and her husband-to-be staring lovingly in her eyes, and I was taken back a bit. I don’t remember our wedding vows to a T, but I am certain they were similar to the ones recited this Saturday. They are about loving each other, being faithful to one another, and I think we even added a vow to never grow old in spirit. One thing that struck me was when Mollie and Jeff looked into each other’s eyes and told one another that they will stand by each other through whatever pain and sorrow life brings, holding on to one another through the sad moments in life. As I looked up at my husband standing next to the groom, I realized that is exactly what he has done. He has been there selflessly and unconditionally through the past 6 months of our lives- through the joy and sorrow, laughter and tears, and even through the 2 days when my hormones dropped so dramatically that I laid on the couch, crying uncontrollably, certain my body would go into shock from the expelling of tears! He was there through it all and I am forever thankful. As we said those words 2 years ago, who would have known what would come our way. Now- I say we get on to the other vows, about joy and laughter, and chasing our dreams.

Wednesday lovin': things i think are beautiful today

Source: stylemepretty.com via Jenny on Pinterest

Source: mackink.blogspot.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

Source: sweetandsaucyshop.com via Anne onPinterest

Source: gatherlove.tumblr.com via Stephanie on Pinterest

Source: nicolehill.blogspot.com via Elizaveta on Pinterest

finding a way to laugh through the pain

Wit and Delight

I’ve got some bad news, my friends. Not real, heartbreaking bad news. But the kind where you can only find humor in it otherwise it will take you right down with it.

So here it is: I have gained 20 pounds since May.

This is not a plea to hear “no, Lindsay- you’re fine just the way you are!” or anything of the like. This is simply me coming to terms with the truth. And because my sweet husband is tired of hearing me freak out about it- I have decided to share with you the little moments of laughter I have had to find in the many downfalls of the past few months. Afterall- Laughter really can heal your brokenness.

One- My weight. Okay, so 20 pounds may not sound like a ton, but let me tell you- my pants are a tad snug. The day we found out we were losing the baby, a sweet little nurse came in and pulled me from my tears to let me know that they needed to take my weight. AWESOME. So there I am, standing on the old time scale. It’s the one that has two rows for measurement- the top one goes up by one pound, and the bottom by 50. So you move the bottom one to say, 100. Then move the top to 30 ish. Then you have your weight of 130. Or so I wished that awful day. There I was, eyes red from crying, standing on the scale. In retrospect I should have turned away from the numbers, hide from the truth of my misfortune. She moved the top scale over, then some more, and a little more (okay a lot), and as she got to the very end of the top scale, she stopped. I could see here mind running- “do I move the second scale over and ruin this girl’s day even more, or do I pretend this is correct and simply guess her final weight?” She opted for the latter and I am forever thankful.

Two- Paul was out of town for work one week in June. It was maybe 3 weeks after all that happened and I was still not put back together emotionally. So one Friday night, after sitting alone for far too long, eating too much takeout, and getting into conversations with my dog, I decided this was a little ridiculous. I have always been one to take my happiness into my own hands, so I thought “I am going to Target to get myself a ‘get well’ gift! That will make it all better!” (insert laughter here). So there I was, at Target, in line to purchase my basket of goodies. Bahha. As the Target girl started to ring things up, I began to feel the deep dread of my purchases. I may have gotten a little red as I realized what my items made me look like. In my basket I had: a pair of shorts 4 sizes bigger than “normal,” a Jillian Michaels work out tape to get me some 10 minute abs, Slimfast drinks, a baggy mens t-shirt, and a Spanx tank top to take away my muffin top. I know what you are thinking: “Seriously, Lindsay?!” Well, my sweet friend, it gets worse. You know the coupon that gets printed off with your receipt that says “based on your purchases, we think you could use this coupon in the future.” Well, out comes a coupon for pampers diapers and pacifiers. Yeah, here I was buying my big clothes, workout regimen tapes, and my Spanx. But no- I am not a mother and no- I do not need diapers or pacifiers. Just a woman lost in herself. Well, I got home, realized my sadness couldn’t be fixed at Target, and called my older sister to ease my pain. We hung out for the night and all we could do was laugh off my misfortune and my broken heart- which surprisingly helped a lot. As for my purchases, everything found itself in a box high in my closet. Except the Spanx. Those are just necessary.

Three- See my older post here. Its all about how beautiful it is to laugh through pain, and how friends can heal your heart.

Thanks for listening.

New developments

Hey friends- sorry it has been a bit since I wrote last. I suppose it has been a little more difficult lately- because at least with the miscarriage I started writing after everything had happened. Right now- I am kinda stuck in the thick of it.

While I was at Malibu, the miscarriage kinda went through a repeat. It was not fun. I will spare the details, other than the fact that I thought it was all over, and unfortunately..it was not. You see, I have been getting my blood drawn every two weeks since May to make sure my pregnancy hormone levels were dropping steadily. Lately, they have been at somewhat of a standstill and things have been going slowly. So at Malibu- it came to rest. I am so thankful that my wonderful friend Olivia was just a room away and was able to come to my rescue more than once. When I got home from Canada I went to the doctor just to make sure all was well, and found that apparently an ER visit should have happened, but I seem to have made it alright. Well- they took my blood and it is official- I am no longer pregnant. I guess on the upside we can try again sooner than later. Yet, hearing those words were not as comforting as I would have imagined. Its as if the last 2 1/2 months dragged on for far too long- like things couldn't just come to a close. What is God teaching me in that? Patience? I bet. Trust? Most likely. Faith? I would assume. While at camp I was reminded of something- God didn't make this happen. I would bet he was crying along with me most nights, wishing he could help. Maybe he covered me with a blanket like in "Broken Heart." I am certain He was feeling my pain right along with me since April. And I love him for that.

I also feel super blessed tonight because 4 girls whom I love dearly gave me such a gift tonight. Anna, Grace, Kendall, and Haley gave me the gift of knowing my heart. They took such time and effort in putting together a basket of lovely gifts to comfort me in all this hurt- and they did such an amazing job. I feel so blessed to have spent last week getting to know these awesome senior girls and can't wait to see what this year, and their future, holds for them. Love you ladies!

Thanks for listening.

Because I love you: Happy Birthday, baby sister!!

I LOVE my little sister. She might be the best "last minute surprise" that happened to our family. And now here she is- turning 20 years old!! I am so thankful that she is in my life. And I love her for so many reasons. From our late night drives/ ice cream trips, to beach trips to get a candy apple. From her entirely too real fear of Hello Kitty, to our dress up and fancy dinner party nights (that you would think happened only in our childhood, and yet I slipped an invitation under her bedroom door not more than 3 years ago...) I love you so much, Kiki, and for a thousand reasons. I only wish I had time and space to list them all. You'll always be my favorite baby sister. Can't wait to see the woman you continue to become. So proud of you!!

Evidence that we used to dress up :)

Isn't she stunning?!!

Wednesday lovin': Best dream ever

Last night I had the craziest dream.
I was at home (but a cooler home than my own) and there were mirrors everywhere. My mom was there, and so was my husband and two sisters. In the whole dream I was so afraid because there was this ghost that was following me everywhere. I had this feeling that I was being followed, and every time I passed a mirror I would look into it and see this sad woman in a flowy dress right behind me. She was always looking directly at me- just looking at me with sad eyes and following my everywhere I went.

One day- I started to get super freaked out and told my mom to go tell her to leave me alone. My extremely brave mom marched upstairs to tell this woman to leave her daughter alone and follow someone else. But when my mom came downstairs she was crying and holding all this rolled up pieces of paper- old looking ones, like old school book paper from my grandma’s age. She gave the scrolls to me and cried and told me how much this ghost woman loved me. She said she followed me everywhere because she loved me so much and felt so sad for me- she wanted me to know she cared.

The reason she loved me so much was because decades ago she had lost a baby- she didn’t want me to feel alone so she stayed by me. Only after my mom asked why she was around did she tell her story. All the folded papers were letters she had written me to tell me about her life, her story, and her baby. She stayed close to me so I wouldn’t feel lonely without my sweet baby.

The best part- on the last rolled up letter I opened up it simply said-

I am so sorry you lost your son.

That part was surreal to me because I am only guessing it was a boy- based on nothing but gut feeling. It was pretty cool to see that in my dream.
That was a real dream. I woke up feeling loved. Like God had sent that dream to comfort my heart. I am so thankful, too, because I really needed it right about now. Apparently He knew that… funny how that works.
I’ll put up some pretty pictures and update y’all about camp this evening!! It was amazing and I can’t wait to share with you.