the happiest part

Okay- so I guess I will start from the beginning. The happy part, you could say. The part that makes everything that follows seem a little unreal.
So here we go.

This past November, my husband and I start talking about maybe starting a family soon. We discussed different goals we would like to make, some financial, some personal, and some in our marriage as a whole. Of course from the get go I didn’t hear anything else besides “lets have a baby soon” so anything he said to me in the months following are kind of a blur. We decided on April. So, what did I do? I waited and waited, and decided the wait between November and April was the longest amount of time I had ever been through. I am not going to lie- a tried more than once to change his opinion and try earlier. I may have even fake cried once….. But- he stuck to his guns and we waited until April. Which is good, I suppose. Because we got pregnant the first month after trying! Beginners luck, I say. I found out one day while Paul was at EMT school. I couldn’t believe it. I cried, called my sisters, ran to my mom’s, and experienced a joy and disbelief I have never had. Then- I figured out how to tell him- after 9 loooooong hours of knowing the good news, I went and bought a little, white newborn onsie, the cutest thing I had ever seen because I knew I finally would be using it. I had my mom sew on a little yellow piece of fabric stamped with “you’re a daddy.” I know- too cute, right? I tied it with a big blue bow to our dog’s collar and when he came home, finally, there it was. We celebrated, laughed, stared in disbelief. We called family and friends we trusted with the good news. We went to see our wonderful friends in Salem and gave them the surprise of a lifetime. We rejoiced and praised God. We knew we had a blessing. This was something I had wanted since before I can remember. Many of my friends would say they heard me talking about wanting babies well before a normal human thinks about these things. And now- here it was. My heart’s desire coming true, with my amazing husband by my side. We looked to the future and I daily felt a joy in my heart that I didn’t know was real. Even though I didn’t know my baby or couldn’t feel it move, I felt like this little person was a part of me and knew right away that I had just given my heart to them entirely- that this little baby was giving me and Paul the greatest gift we knew we didn’t deserve. How lovely that time was.