Just the beginning....

This year has been one of the hardest but most beautiful years I have ever had. I celebrated 2 years of marriage with my amazing husband. Planned and attended baby and bridal showers for people so dear to my heart. I welcomed my sweet niece, Lola, into the world with a heart I didn’t know could open that much. I grew through my fears that used to paralyze me. I learned who I am and what my heart longs for in this life: cupcakes, craftiness, parties, wonderful friends and family. I began to understand what it means to feel blessed and pass along praise. I learned how to prioritize and found what is important. I am still learning all these things. Something most people don’t know- I lost someone I didn’t even know I could love so much. I had a person who lit up my life for a short time. Who brought me joy, fear, unlimited amounts of love, and brought my husband and I closer in a way I couldn’t image. This person meant more to me that I thought was a possibility. Who knew a heart opened that much? This person will hold a place reserved only for them in my heart until the day I get to run and hold them close. This year, I lost a person I loved more than life. This year I lost my baby. I said hello and goodbye faster than is necessary. I loved such a tremendous amount in such a short period of time, then grieved in a way that tore me apart. It was a beautiful gift, and I know that I WILL see my baby in heaven someday. In an odd way, I hope this blog will be therapeutic. I have so much to say- about life, living fully, baking, beauty, love, God, friends, wonderful gifts, as well as the grief that walks along for periods of time. I don’t believe in sugarcoating, so this will be real. I will not take my time beating down what has happened. But, the hardest thing for me during the darkest days I have known, was that no one understood. No one knew how my heart was tearing apart. No one talks about this kind of pain. So I am going to. I hope someone feels love and comfort in hearing about my year of hurting, healing, and figuring out who I am in the meantime. Feel free to ask anything you would like. I am not hiding that this happened, or hiding from what we endured in the meantime. This blog will bring you the beautiful things in life that I love so much, and will also share with you what healing meant for me. Enjoy!