Source: thefreedomexperiment.com via Lindsay on Pinterest
You know, when i was a child i didnt care what people thought. When i was a teen, i wanted people to like me, but i didnt hide who i was to gain their affection. When i was in college i began to really get to know who i was outside of my home town. And now, as an adult, i feel like i have shifted my ideas of what is okay and who i am supposed to be. And you know whats the most frustrating- that shouldnt matter to me one bit. Why, as a married woman with a home, career, and a husband who somehow adores me, do i feel the need to create this blank mask and allow other people who write on it for me? Its such a depressing thought to realize how much my thoughts on this subject have changed in the last 15 years of my life.
i remember when i was in high school and i was going a morning Bible study with some girlfriends of mine. i left my journal out one day and it was opened to a blank page on my parent's kitchen table. my mom wrote a short little note to me that said "sis- i wish that when i was your age i had the confidence you have." She may have never known that i read that, but i treasured those words. I really didnt care what people's opinions of me were. Yes, i wanted to be friends with everyone, but thats because i loved being surrounded by laughing people and just taking in all the fun life had to offer me. What happened? Now i see that note (that i still have) and realize that it no longer applies. I am not the confident woman my mom saw me as years ago. But the best part- i still can be. All of a sudden its like a light turned on and i'm a kid again hearing the words "you can be anything you want to be." And for me- i want to be a woman who loves my family with a love that is palpable. I want to be okay with decisions i make knowing that i have been prayerful and thoughtful. I want to think about whats best for me, my husband, and our babies without a second thought of what others will think of me as a result. And i want to be okay with the emotional, stress-prone, sensitive, compassionate, over whelming, sometimes too much woman that God purposefully created me to be. Because if he loves me, why shouldn't i?
I couldn't agree with you more. We're very similar in more ways than one and I'm noticing the similarities every time I read your posts. God does love you and I believe He wants both of us to be confident women who take care of our husbands and families with His given strength. I feel at times I don't know how to handle all that life throws at me but you're right we can obtain ALL we wish to achieve with God's strength and guidance.
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